Dude! Where's My Warthog!
by Cueball
Summary: Chapter 3 is up, the Humans Warthog was stolen, what does La-La plan to do with it?
1. Beginings

Welcome! To another Red Vs Blue influenced Halo Comedy, this takes place on Coagulation, a map from Halo 2 alot like Blood Gulch, but revamped.

I am in need of character names, at-least 6, four Elites and two Spartans, so yeah, feel free to make up a character.

This is my second ever Fan-Fic, I'm still learning, so be nice.

Disclaimer: This is a Fan-Fic, so I obviously don't own jack... But if I did, things would be alot weirder...

Dude! Where's My Warthog?! Chapter One, Beginnings.

The crackle of a Sniper Rifle boomed through the ears of the Blue team, another one, then another, Penguin looked up at the rock that stood out from the rest of the cliff face, a Banshee was positioned up there, a Spartan stood on top of it, Haxor, he was sporting a Deep blue colored armor, firing rounds at the red base.

Penguin shook his head, Haxor had managed to fire at-least sixty rounds and still not hit anything.

"Hey, Haxor, get down from there!" The Cyan clad Spartan shouted.

"In a Minute, I've got them in my sights!" Haxor replied, he fired a final round, still not hitting anything, then mounted the Banshee and flew back to the Blue base, he landed it in the rear entrance and jumped out, two Spartans greeted him, Haxor nodded at the left one, he nodded back, Haxor looked at the other, who had their back to him, he tapped the Spartan's shoulder, no reply, he tapped again, the Spartan fell to the floor, asleep.

"Why is that guy sleeping?" Haxor asked

"Uh, never mind her, she got wasted last night"

"Oh, that explains it... Wheres Sarge?"

"Up on the roof, he wants to see you" The Spartan replied, Haxor nodded, then turned around and walked into the energy lift.

* * *

Over at the Red Base... Two Covenant Elites stood on the roof, one with Red and Orange armor the other with Yellow and Steel colored armor.

"You ever wonder why we are here" The red one asked.

The Yellow one turned, shook his head then turned back, he clicked his mandibles and talked. "For the last time, we are here because the Prophets want the Humans Cookies, and they have entrusted this sacred mission to us. Now stop asking!"

"Okay... So... Wheres La-La?"

"He went to go and steal the Humans pitiful primitive Vehicle"

"Okay... So... Wheres Sarge?"

"The Heck if I know"

"Okay... So........"

* * *

Back to the Blue Base...

"Sarge, you wanted to see me?" An out of breathe Haxor asked.

"Those Covenant are up to something"

"How do you know?"

"It's just a Feeling, and the fact that there are only two of them at their base, Haxor, get my Warthog, we're going kicking some ass..."

"Yes Sir!" Haxor turned around, he ran down the corridor and looked out, the Warthog wasn't there, he turned around and walked back up the corridor, he ran over to the Sarge.

"Um... Sir, your Warthogs not there"

"What do you mean it's not there?!"

"Check for yourself" The Sarge did so, he walked to the edge of the base and looked for his Warthog, not seeing it he ran back to Haxor.

"Dude! Where's my Warthog?!"

* * *

La-La slammed on the brakes, the Warthog stopped just a couple of feet from the Base, he got out and looked up, two Elites jumped down, a red and a yellow one, they began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" La-La asked.

"Dude! You actually stole the Humans Warthog!"

"You doubted me?"

* * *

So thats it, tell me what you think. 


	2. Reinforcements

So, here it is, chapter 2, thanks for the Characters Arm-Slave and Roy?Link?EITHERONEISGOOD, I've managed to add them.

Anyway here is the story, enjoy;

BTW, if anybody has another Character they want in the story, be sure to put him/her in the review, I am in need of names again, 4 Grunts 2 Hunters and an Elite. 

** Dude! Wheres my Warthog?! Chapter 2, Reinforcements.**

"Sir... I think-.."

"Dammit did I ask for your opinion?!"

"No sir..."

"Unless I ask you to, I do not want you to speak got it?!"

"Yes sir..."

"Good. Now Haxor, what do you think we should do?"

"I think we should call in reinforcements, then storm the enemy base, sir"

"Not a bad idea, tell Penguin to get on with command and tell them to send us some hardcore troops!"

"Right away sir!"

Haxor threw his hand up to his head to salute the Sarge, then turned around and ran down the ramp that connected the upper base to the ground, he had a quick look around, seeing Penguin standing next to nice and shiny tank.

"Penguin!"

"What...?"

"Sarge wants you to radio HQ, and get us some Hardcore reinforcements"

"Okay, give me a couple of minutes"

Sure enough, a minute later Penguin jumped from the tank, walked over to Haxor, then followed him into the base, he shook his head as he passed the passed out Spartan, lying on the floor near the exit, another Spartan stood above her, trying to get her to awaken, Haxor and Penguin walked past them and the Banshee, they stopped when they reached the base's wall, a table with a large radio was in-front of them, Penguin sat down near to it and began fiddling with the different knobs and switches that where on the Radio, while Haxor stood next to him, watching closely.

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**The Red Base**

"So, La-La, what do you want to do with it?"

"Oh, Oh Me, I know!" A red Elite shouted, waving his hand in the air.

"Did he hit his head or something, he seems stupider than before..."

"Never mind him, he's a little slow..."

"Okay" La-La replied, shaking his head.

"So, what are you going to do with it?"

"I have an idea, we need some pink paint, some old underwear, an apple, a pair of tweezers and a pack of Grunts"

"Uh, what are the underwear for?"

"If I told you I would have to fry your toes in acid"

"So what about the tweezers?"

"You will see"

"Okay, what about the apple?"

"I'm hungry"

"Oh..."

"Go get Zanca, I need his help"

"Oh, Oh, Oh! Can I help?"

"Yes, contact HQ, tell them we need six Grunts and some heavy weapons"

"Yes! In your face!"

"Huh?"

"Uh, um, pretend you didn't hear that..."

La-La shook his head, turned around and walked over to the Warthog.

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**The Blue Base**

"What time is it...?" A light blue clad Spartan asked, rubbing her head.

"Eleven hundred hours"

"Cut the Military clock crap, you know I hate that stuff..."

"Ha-ha, I love messing with you, it's eleven o'clock, you ok?"

"Yeah... Just a hangover, where are the others?"

"Sarge is on the roof, Haxor is practicing shooting things and Penguin is polishing the ceiling for some reason, he said there are some new guys coming"

"Why are we getting some newbies?"

"I dunno, something to do with Sarge's Warthog"

"Oh, when are they due?"

"Any minute-..."

The Spartan was cut of by a loud roaring sound that couldn't be anything other than a Pelican, the two Spartans ran out of the back, looked into the air and saw the Pelican land, two other Spartans jumped down, and raised their hands and saluted the Sergeant, one of them had a Tan color armor, the other had a steel color armor with small white sections, he had a Flaming Ninja emblem on his shoulders and back, while the other didn't, they both lowered their hands and stood proud, the Pelican took of into the sky seconds later.

"Name and serial Spartans!" Sarge barked at the new arrivals, they didn't move, he walked to the Tan clad one. "You, name and serial, now!"

"Leon 552" Sarge nodded then moved to the other.

"How about you, name and serial Spartan"

"Derkan... 558..." The steel colored Spartan replied.

"I will be your Sergeant, move out Spartans"

The two Spartans walked away toward the base, the other four Spartans met them.

Derkan walked past them, pushing into Penguin, almost knocking him down "Hey!" Derkan ignored him and continued into the base, the other Spartan, Leon stopped.

"What's his problem?" Penguin asked.

"I don't know, I've never met him before"

"Oh, he's kinda moody..."

"No kidding..." Leon joked, he shook his head then looked the group over. "Oh, I'm Leon, who are you guys?"

The light blue Spartan came forward. "I'm Kelly, thats Penguin in the Cyan armor, the one in dark blue is Haxor, and the one in Green is Robert"

"Nice to meet you guys, any one know why we were called in?"

Haxor stepped forward, "The Sergeants Warthog was stolen by the Covenant, he want's to storm the Covenant base and get it back, so he called in some back up, so we won't be out gunned."

"Oh, cool I guess, when are we going?"

"Nightfall"

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**The Red Base**

The blue light of the Phantom lit up, a small group of Grunts fell from it, followed by two bulky blue armored Beast's, Hunters. La-La and Zanca stood beside a now pick colored Warthog, watching, Zanca sat down on the hood of the car, La-La approached the Hunters, he looked them over, he had never liked them, but then again he had never liked any of the other Species of the Covenant, he turned around, shouted out for the Red Elite -Who was called Fontana- the Elite approached La-La.

"I thought I told you too get us some Heavy Weapons! Not a pare of stupid Hunters!!"

The Hunters turned their heads to the side, like a dog would when confronted by a new noise, they made a deep growl, which caught La-La's attention, he turned to face them, he flicked his hand, an Energy Sword sprung to life in his hand.

"You have a Problem?"

The Hunter raised it's shield to it's side, ready to bring it down on the Elite, the other shook it's head, the Hunter lowed the shield, and walked away, the other followed.

"Now, Fontana, where is all the stuff I ordered?"

"I... Uh... What where we talking about?"

"The Items I asked for, where are they?"

"Oh, on the roof"

"Good, get the Grunts tied into the Warthog"

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---------------------------------------------------------------------

What does La-La have in stall for the poor Grunts? Who is the Mysterious Derkan? Will the Spartans get the Warthog back? What will the Hunters do? Why is the Warthog Pink? And why am I asking all these questions? Find out, next time on;

Dude! Where's My Warthog?! Chapter 3


	3. Attack

Welcome to another chapter of Dude! Wheres my Warthog?! Thanks for the characters guys, I've added most of them, if I missed one then they will appear next chapter, anyway, please enjoy :)

* * *

**The Red Base**

"Grunts, line up!"

"Why should we?" One of them shouted back at the red Elite.

"I've got food nipples, if you behave I will give them to you, and if you don't, I will crush your skull's into fairy dust! Bwhahaha!"

"He's got food nipples!"

"Quick, bite his knee caps!" Another Grunt shouted.

The Grunts growled, then ran forward, jumping onto the Elite, -knocking him over.

"AHH!!!!!!!!!!" Fontana shouted out at the top of his lungs, the Grunts had chomped down on the Elites knee-caps, tearing into the flesh, they let go when another Grunt ran up to the group, he was slightly taller than the others, and was wearing a strange hat, similar to the one's found on the Humans Orbital Drop Shock Troops, except it was backward.

"Who turned out the lights! The Sky is falling! The Sky is falling! We're all gonna die! RUN AWAY!!!!!!"

The other Grunts sat down and watched as the new Grunt ran around, seconds later he collided with a large figure and fell backward, the figure placed a hand on the Grunts head, it began panicking.

"AH!!!"

"Relax Grunt" A deep voice said, it pulled the helmet from the Grunt and looked down on it.

"AH! Hunter! Run away! We're all gonna die!"

The Hunter began laughing as the Grunt ran away toward the base, waving it's hands in the air. The two Grunts that where chewing on Fontana's Kneecaps looked to each other.

"Who was that?"

"He called Little Bo-Jangles, he's my second cousins, friends uncle's, dog Warden"

* * *

**The Blue Base**

"Penguin, where's the Tank?"

"The back of the base, where it always is"

"I knew that!"

"Then why did you ask...?"

"I... Uh... Was testing you? Yeah that's it! I was testing you!"

Penguin shook his head then turned away from Haxor, he ran down the ditch and into the back of the base, Kelly was stood next to Leon, both where staring into space.

"What's up guys?"

"Penguin! Uh, nothing, nothing's up, why?

"I dunno, just curious... Wheres Derkan and Robert?"

"Robert... He's um, I dunno, I think he's on the roof with Haxor and Sarge. And Derkan... He is upstairs..."

"Ok, Kelly, go get him, tell him we are about to attack the Covenant"

"Will do Penguin!"

"Leon, tell Robert, Sarge and Haxor to get down here"

"Yes sir!"

Kelly ran toward the energy lift, while Leon ran out of the base and up the outside ramp, he Saluted the others.

"Sir's, Penguin says to get to the back of the base"

"You heard the man Spartans, now move, one, two, one, two!"

"Haxor and Robert walked to the back of the base and jumped down, Sarge followed them and Leon followed him, they all stopped near the exit, Penguin stepped out, followed by Kelly and Derkan.

"You all know the plan Spartans?" Sarge asked.

"Sir yes Sir!" They replied in unison.

"Good, everyone on the Tank, Leon, you Drive, Haxor, get the Banshee, your our covering fire, get to Sniper rock"

Leon ran to the Tank, if his Helmet had been of, you would see the massive smile on his face, he jumped on and climbed into the cockpit, while Haxor grabbed the Banshee and flew up to the rock, protruding from the Canyon wall, he tapped his Helmet, opening a radio channel to the team.

"Sir, I'm in position"

"Good, Start shooting in ten minutes" Sarge replied, tapping his Helmet to close the channel.

"Derkan, you have the active camo, get ahead of us and take out as many as you can"

Derkan nodded, activating the camo, he began sprinting to the Covenant base, holding his battle rifle up to his visor. Meanwhile, Kelly, Robert, Sarge and Penguin sat on the jump seats of the Scorpion.

* * *

**Red Base**.

"Hunter, stop scaring Grunt!" A cocky Grunt shouted, the Hunter turned toward it, letting out a low growl.

"Are you going to make me Grunt?"

"Uh... He said it!" The Grunt shouted, pointing to an Elite, the Hunter shook it's head then walked away, the Grunts went back to torturing Fontana, chomping on his knee's and elbows.

"Ah! Stop!" The Elite managed to shout.

"Tell us! Where you put Food Nipples smelly Elite!" the one sat on his chest shouted out.

"I don't have any!" Fontana shouted out, catching the attention of Balask, he jumped from the base and began walking over to them.

"Stupid Elite, you know tell others what we do!"

"Ok, just get of my kiwi!"

"Grunt, what are you doing on Fontana?" Balask asked.

"We... Uh... Seeing how strong he is? Yeah, thats it!"

"What's your name Grunt?"

"Jag-lag or Jag-Jag, or maybe Url, I dunno"

"Ok, well I'm going to call you Steve"

"But my name Jag-Jag..."

"Ok Jag-Jag get of him, now" The Grunt did so, Fontana got up, stumbling as he did. "La-La told you to strap them into the Warthog, why are they not there?"

Fontana looked at the Grunt's, they all bared their teeth, he gulped. "I was... Er... Cooking Bananas?"

"Cooking Bananas? I think being around those Grunt's has affected your Brain, anyway, La-La isn't please, he want's to see you, go, I will sort these lower life-forms out"

Fontana ran up the ramp, avoiding the Grunts by a large gap, Balask turned to them, he flicked his Sword to life then pointed to the Warthog, a Grunt hurried into it, Balask walked over and tied him into it, he put the Hand-brake on and placed a heavy object on the pedal, it's wheels began to spin, Balask then pulled out an old pair of very old unwashed underwear, he put them on the Grunts head, then poked it's eyes, the Grunt was blinded, it began screaming and desperately trying to get out, Balask laughed.

"AH! Who Turned out the lights?!!!!!!!"

"HA, this shall be fun!"

* * *

**Near Red Base...**

Derkan crouched behind a rock, he was right next to the Red base, he had seen a pair of Hunters a second ago, he held his Battle rifle up to his chest, breathing heavily he rushed from the rock and toward the ramp at the side of the base, he crouched beside it, then tapped his Helmet.

"In position, move in sir"

"Roger that Derkan, let's light them up"

Just then the Tanks cannon boomed to life...

* * *

Bit of a Cliff hanger, I know 


End file.
